i have had writers block for weeks now. no grand things happened. no change in my status for belgium. no marvelous ah-ha moments. however, i have been learning so much about who God really is and who i should be in light of Him. after being in virginia around 270 Jesus-followers that absolutely knew what life means and what we were here for, i was struggling coming back to where people are living “normal” lives. apparently in the real world not everybody is leaving the country. not everybody is as excited as the 270 to go tell, go share, go. i had a hard time understanding this. i know the Father has a different plan for everyone, but everyone has been commanded to tell of Him where they are. share Him. BE like Him. that WAS the message of the gospel, am i wrong?
i have spent the last 3 weeks feeling like all 270 sent-out ones need to stay here and teach our churches what we learned in virginia about the Church. about being disciples. about our purpose. the Church is a mess people….hope i am not the only one that has noticed that. what are we doing? i feel like we are wasting valuable time here. time that should be spent investing in people and loving people and sharing the scandalous truth of Scripture with people. when did being a follower of Jesus become something you do when people are watching? when you feel like it? when it does not cost you anything? d. bonhoeffer said “the call to follow implies that there is only one way of believing on Jesus Christ, and that is by leaving all and going with the incarnate Son of God”. this made me think. leave WHAT? i know, i’m so deep. but really, this made me think “well i am going to belgium…so i am leaving friends and family”. the end. that makes me a great Christian then, huh? mmmm not so much.
as this new year began i was trying to think of a great resolution because i have never before had a new years resolution. i never though of a good one…but good ol’ bonhoeffer did challenge me to look at being a follower of Jesus a little differently. maybe in light of what has been revealed to me i need a higher, stronger resolve than the typical assumed failures of new years resolutions. what kind of follower do i want to be? do i need to be? what about my old nature have i held on to? what do i really need to LEAVE? what are things i have yet to pick up that are mine to carry? many questions with answers i don’t have yet. but a few things i do:
resolved: to love my neighbor, whoever that may be at any given moment. really love.
resolved: to live like Jesus died for me. not making His grace cheap and His call to follow a suggestion.
resolved: to stop judging people for not bearing fruit, but actually bear fruit. woo them into the movement by my fruit and showing off the life-giving vine.
resolved: to not waste moments because of fear or laziness; where would i be if Jesus decided not to die because the cross was inconvenient?
resolved: to live with abandon as an expendable follower.
i will most likely fail at these terribly. actually i will probably never get it right. but the point is not perfection…the point is chasing after holiness with everything in me. so i have no new years resolution. but what i do have is a new resolve to be different than i have been. old mistakes behind me. who i was is not who i am. what was true of me then is not true of me now. i have decided to follow Jesus. no turning back.
